Social Proof

With my last entry I talked about why young men go after cougars, for “experience”.  In this case the needed “experience” is not expereince necessarily in the sense of having done something before.  The issue is really “social proof”.

What is social proof?  Wikipedia gives a good definition.  It even explains how it’s relevant to us.

For example, if a man is perceived to be in a company of attractive women, or is associated with them, then his perceived social value and attractiveness will be perceived to be greater. The implied cognition in this case would be “All those girls seem to really like him, there must be something about him that’s high value”.If he is seen to be rejected by many women, his social value will be judged negatively. The implied cognition is then “I just saw him being rejected by many women, there is probably a good reason why they don’t like him”.

This lays bare the problem.  It doesn’t matter what you do, how much you make, or how many positive qualities you have.  What matters is to a woman is how other women perceive you.  This is problem that I and other men I know suffer from.  I know men in the same situation as me who have tried to solve the problem by going to a hooker.  It didn’t solve the problem because going to a hooker didn’t provide social proof.

This is something the game experts will tell you about.  Novaseeker has said that women are attracted to social dominance and social proof above all else.  A commenter at Roissy’s pointed out how women are constantly judging men and how to women, men are guilty until proven innocent.  The only way to be “innocent” is with social proof.

What does it mean for men like us who no women are interested in?  It means there’s nothing wrong with us.  We are not being judged on our positive (or negative) qualities.  We are being judged on how other women are judging us.  Several entries ago I wrote about a man who pointed out of men with no women interested in them generally have no women in their lives (outside of our moms).  Social proof is why.

This is something we have no control over, it’s not our fault.  Michael found an article about women who go after married men and pointed out how women would rather go after married men than virgins.  Social proof is the reason.  Married men by definition have social proof.  Virgin/dateless men do not.  Social proof is a form of fundamental attribution error.  This is an error women are committing not us.  We virgin/dateless men are the ones at fault despite what women and manginas say.

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11 responses to “Social Proof

  1. True enough, but there are always lots of exceptions. After I got married (at 46 for the first time) and we had a child, we moved 2800 miles away for my new job. No one here in the community where we’ve now lived for eleven years has ever known me as anything but “Melissa’s” husband and “Cody’s” dad, but the loser tag has still stuck with me. I KNOW the single women in my office snicker behind my back “Good grief, who would be desperate enough to marry HIM???”

  2. Pingback: Linkage is Good for You: Seasons of Tumult and Discord Goes Tango Uniform Edition (NSFW)

  3. There are services out there that allow you to rent a good looking woman for social proof. You just have to have a plan of action on deploying it.

  4. ” It doesn’t matter what you do, how much you make, or how many positive qualities you have. What matters is to a woman is how other women perceive you.”
    It’s called Herd Mentality. Basically, women are incapable of individual thought so each women lets the group do her thinking for her. If you look about, you will notice that women do this with just about every decision they are faced with.

    ” We are not being judged on our positive (or negative) qualities. We are being judged on how other women are judging us.”
    This is a variation on the above. The important thing to keep in mond is that what women think of you and your worth as a human being are two completely unrealted concepts. That women love asshats and those same asshats attract women sequentially is proof of that. I have seen numerous women fall flat on their faces after being fucked over – literally – by guys they should be staying well clear of. Indeed, if other women had stayed clear of the said asshats, then they would not be attracting and hurting new women. In this sense, women are indeed their own enemies.

  5. ” What matters is to a woman is how other women perceive you. This is problem that I and other men I know suffer from. I know men in the same situation as me who have tried to solve the problem by going to a hooker. It didn’t solve the problem because going to a hooker didn’t provide social proof.”

    But in each new encounter, that specific woman doesn’t know you are a virgin/have no social proof. I can see how if one is known as a virgin in high school or college it can be extremely difficult to get out of that label. But out in the general public, where no one knows your past?

    Or are you talking about an ever-present lack of sociosexual confidence plaguing your own mind?

      • Ah, I understand now. Yes…that makes sense. And of course, the vast majority of women do not care for virgin males because of this lack of social proof.

        It’s similar to that hiring dilemma a lot of new employees have:
        Companies want to hire those who have experience, but you can’t get experience until they hire you. Round and round it goes, eh?

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