The Paleo-Game Cult really shocks me sometimes. Even putting aside the pussy begging, conspiracy theory, compulsive doomsaying, etc., sometimes a member of the cult says something so outlandish (independent of any of those things) you have to wonder if the Paleo-Game Cult isn’t some sort of long-term trolling enterprise. Today such a thing happened. I read Ferdinand Bardamu’s blog, In Mala Fide, and he had a post about how the paleo diet makes his poop superior to everyone else’s poop. When I was reading this, I almost wondered if someone hacked into the In Mala Fide server, and posted a fake article. After reading the article, it’s clear that the paleo dieters have descended to the low of, “My poop is better than your poop.”
Here is an excerpt.
Hardcore Paleo nuts refer to the typical diet people in the West eat with the insufferably smug acronym “SAD,” for Standard American Diet. Our carb-loaded, sugar-bombed diet gives us irritable bowels and painful anal explosions, to the point where diarrhea is a cultural trope we all laugh at. No one recognizes that if you’re constantly shitting out more water than actual shit, it means something’s wrong with either your organs or what you’re eating.
One downside of having harder stools is that you have to work harder to pass them. It doesn’t hurt, but it requires physical exertion. When your poop is softer and more liquid, it forces itself out by sheer physics, requiring less conscious effort on your part. Even if something gets in the way, the brown flood will always win. If the Standard American Diet makes peoples’ shit softer and increases the occurrence of diarrhea, their sphincter muscles won’t develop properly, won’t be as strong as they need to be when they DO have to pass something that’s harder than a cup of coffee.
I predict that in the years to come, not only will hemorrhoids become WAY more common in America, I also predict that the mean age for first hemorrhoids will drop. Americans, too lazy to eat properly and shit the right way, will pay the price in blood leaking out of their buttcracks.
I have noticed that paleo dieters always seem to have a multitude of health problems they claim the paleo diet “solved”. I don’t follow the paleo diet, but I haven’t had the problems with digestion or allergies or diarrhea that the paleo dieters say they had. From the way it sounds Bardamu was dealing with diarrhea on a weekly basis, if not daily. It’s been years since I have had diarrhea , and in the rare cases I had diarrhea there was an explanation that had nothing to do with diet. I don’t think my experiences are that unusual.
My diarrhea history (or lack of it) is really beside the point. Look at the last the quote above. It’s one huge scream of, “I’m a failure at everything, but wait until all of you have HEMORRHOIDS because you didn’t listen to me! Then I will show you!” Look at how absurd this is. In comparison, their conspiracy theories and compulsive doomsaying are respectable. Just as Roissyite gamers are the fringe of the fringe of the fringe in game, the Paleo-Game cult is the fringe of the fringe of the fringe when it comes to the paleo diet. BS like the above quote (no pun intended) will do nothing to change that fact.
If I had the time I might try trolling the Paleo-Game cult by writing a paleo diet book about how the government/food industry/mafia/aliens from Planet X are trying to secretly hide carbs in paleo food. The book would include instructions on how to be carefully examine your poop in case you’re a victim of this. The poop examination process would take several hours. I guarantee that this book would be a best seller among the Paleo-Game cult although I doubt the wider paleo diet community would buy it. It would be so funny to have post after post from members of the Paleo-Game cult about how they’re spending hours each day examining their poop.